Alone in a wide room

It’s scary night due to this strong rain. I always look up at the ceiling because it may have some leaks. Yes, I thought my room will be fixed this mundane times even I exerted a lot of effort doing sales work and still not rewarded.

Anyhow, for the past weeks, even I’m quite disappointed that my vacation plans were ruined.. I still felt relieved that the rest I need to do was just staying at home. No other pesky errands, or disturbing work. Purely, thinking my plans, re-evaluating myself, looking what happened this year and yes.. Stopping addictions! Whew, very difficult indeed. On top of those solitary or meditating activities, I found myself lucky staying in this wide room. As I always call, my sanctuary. I want really to go far away, I even want to really leave this place but alas.. Some plans needs to be delayed!

Yes, I’m all alone in this room. I colored it monochrome to just hide some distressed look of my room. Its a first I’m showing this in my blog. Very refreshing indeed.

This room, I don’t get tired looking it’s smudges or the tape marks around on it. Ah no, if you see those clothes in the cabinet, those are not mine. Curiously, I don’t even know who own those clothes. I’m guessing they should be either my oldest brother or my late second older brother. It has like long sleeves and jackets. A raiders jacket! Plus all those sizes, were big! US Large sizes I think.

I have some things that I don’t really use, such as extra glankets, bags and yes, some broken items like Radio, or bags. Yes, you’ll see a lot boxes! Boxes came from US and yes, some coming from my newly built computer and new electric fan. I have a big drawer plus a small drawer for important things and to keep my things at least organized. I admit I still clumsy organizing my stuff. Besides my computer, that’s like a bare drawer or table, don’t know what to call it. Yeah, the wireless phone is there, modem, some HDD backup and other boxes.

Yeah, I kinda moved my computer farther because of the leak in it’s previous spot.

Back to be alone in this room. I’m used to it. At first, yes, I’m kinda sick and tired of being alone. But I cannot blame well, family because of the situation of each member. You add Gerro in the equation. Everyday, I just sigh. =) I also blamed my friends at first, but after I came to my senses, yeah we are indeed old. Friends that cannot be bothered, some very busy due to important endeavors, others have families and kids… Total opposite of my status today. I think I was able to focus more on the things I need to do and think than going out and gossip or talk with friends. Besides, I think I found new friends. Here and over there..

I look around in this room when I feel tired or just down such as angry, lonely, or even mad to anything. Yes, anything! But that happens, in very rare occassion.

In the future, I hope, if I want to rest or really relax and be isolated, I can go feel just light. I want a moment like in my room, even sometimes, being alone just soothes me. I did accept the fact my nature, I’m introvert and wants to be isolated. Its weird that I want to be sociable but most of the time, I kinda want to be alone. It will be fun if I have indeed a date. Damn, finding a partner with my situation, its quite stiff.

If you ask me how I keep my sanity checked if I’m quite laid back and lonely. My answer is simple.

I talk to Him everyday. It means, I’m not alone in this wide room or even a bigger one in the future.

I feel I’m in the right place.

Even this is my last place.

I’m not alone!